Horror Movie Fest part 3: The Final Chapter

Although my last post was on the exact same genre of films, I figure that Halloween is quickly approaching so i should finish off the Horror Movie Fest 3-parter in time for my readers to make some informed decisions on what to watch to get them in the mood for all hallows' evening. As I mentioned previously, on about day 7 of this marathon I had grown tired of watching a film every night but continued on out of fear of embarrassment from failing. In the middle section of the month I watched almost exclusively early classics I had never seen before to try to keep myself motivated. As this method mostly failed, I fell asleep during a few of those movies, I decided to take a different approach in the final third. While I did watch some classics in this part, they are disbursed among many of my all time favorites and a few new ones from some of my favorite horror directors. While I do not think I would ever attempt such a marathon again, by the end when I got to watch my favorite horror film of all time I can honestly say that I was happy to have done it. Below is my account of the final 31 films I watched in October 2013. Please let me know if you do not agree with any of my ratings or have suggestions for films I should check out this year.

21st- Eyes without a Face:
A French film from 1960 that is very well regarded and is seen as an inspiration of many future films. The story centers on an unfortunate girl who has had her face horribly disfigured in an automobile accident and is forced to wear a mask. Feeling responsible for his daughters accident the girls father, a doctor, becomes a full blown mad scientist luring beautiful girls to his lab in order to attempt a face transplant for his daughter. The film has little gore by today's standards, but does a great job of developing its characters and their motives. While I wouldn't consider it a must see, I do understand why some people hold it in high regard and can see where other film makers have looked to this film for inspiration.
6.5/10

22nd- Shivers:
The first major film from one of the greatest horror directors of all time, David Cronenberg. This film is a classic example of the "body horror" sub-genre that made the Canadian master famous. The film is about a pathogen that spreads from person to person making them sex starved zombies who engage in giant orgies. The film is equal parts scary and gross. Not the greatest movie in Cronenberg's catalog, but a quintessential one nonetheless. Check out The Brood, The Fly, Dead Ringers and Videodrome by Cronenberg if you are a fan of this flick, and his version of Crash if you are turned on by car crashes.
7/10

23rd- Rubber:
Easily one of the most original and strange films I have ever seen. On the surface this is the story of a serial murdering car tire that can blow people up using its "mind". However, this is also one of those self-aware meta films and is sorta like scream meets rear window meets film school. I imagine film professors love this film. Great combination of clever, funny and bizarre. Wears out it's welcome some towards the end, but you got to admire the film makers for trying such a unique story.
7/10

Below is the absolutely incredible opening scenes to one of the strangest films I have ever seen:

24th- Inside:
Inside is one of the most notorious entries in the "new wave of French horror." The film tells the story of a now single, pregnant female who recently survived a car crash. On this particular night she is viciously attacked by a mysterious woman intent on taking her still unborn baby. The violence in this film is like nothing you have ever seen before, it is incredibly graphic and absolutely unrelenting. In a previous blog entry I ranked this film along with Martyrs, another new wave of French horror flick, as the duel 6th most disturbing film I have ever seen. Simply nothing can describe how uncomfortable and jumpy some of the scenes make you feel. Impossible to watch without covering your eyes. There has been talk in the past about a possible American remake, I for one will absolutely never see that film as I doubt I will ever get the nerve to re-watch the French original. Beatrice Dalle in this film is unforgettable; the thing of nightmares.
7/10

25th- Evil Dead 2:
My favorite film of all time. What more needs to be said? Obviously it is great so check it out if you haven't already seen it. Apparently the French version is available in full on youtube for any of you bilingual readers. Evil Dead en Francais
9.8/10

How Bruce Campbell did not win, or even get nominated, for the Oscar is unforgivable:

26th- Poltergeist:
I have tried several times to watch this movie, but honestly every time I try I either end up turning it off or falling asleep. A lot of people really like this film and the director is Tobe Hooper, the horror legend who made Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Salem's Lot, so I know I have to at least give it a shot. I think I just can't get over the Stephen Spielberg executive producer credit. That sentimental dbag has no place in the awesome genre that is Horror.
5/10

27th- Bride of Frankenstein:
This is the very well regarded 1935 sequel of the 1931 Universal monster flick with the original cast all returning. The film continues right where the last one ended with the monster and doctor seemingly murdered. When they both eventually return to health the doctor is about to give up on his experiment with reincarnating the dead when he is visited by his mentor and convinced to make his creation a bride. This film is most memorable to me because of the weird little men that the mentor has created; why are they not nearly as big a deal as Dr. Frankenstein's monster? I was a little disappointed in this flick as my favorite part of the original, doctor Frankenstein, was a little more subdued in the sequel than his off the wall performance in the original. Not bad, but not the absolute classic I had expected.
6/10

28th- The Wolf Man (Original obvi):
The final of the classic Monster movies that I watched during the loooooong, seemingly never-ending October. The Wolf Man is another classic story that everyone knows. Like many of the classic Universal monsters from the 20s and 30s The Wolf Man offers memorable images and plot, however it lacks the scares and violence/gore of modern horror movies. Also like the other early monster flicks the movie is noticeably very short. I thought that Lon Chaney was great as the title monster, playing a complex character who is truly guilt ridden with the violent acts his monster side embarks on. Not a bad film, definitely worth a watch if you can find it. However, I would recommend the 2 classics from the 80s, An American Werewolf in London and The Howling, if you truly want to see a high quality werewolf flick. The Wolf Man was simply made too early to have special effects that get anywhere near the complexity present in those two great movies from the 80s.
6/10

Below is the incredible transformation from An American Werewolf in London. Made over 30 years ago but the practical effects still look phenomenal

29th: The Thing (1982 John Carpenter version):
God Dammit Kurt Russell is cool! His badass character in this film, RJ MacReady, is the reason why I began drinking J&B scotch. The film concerns an American research outpost in a remote area of Antarctica that is invaded by a shape shifting Alien that was unearthed at a Norwegian research area that has since been destroyed by fire. Since the Alien can shape shift into a perfect replicate of any animal, this film creates an intense atmosphere of fear and claustrophobia as no one is sure whether their immediate neighbor is themselves or a creature from space out to kill them and take over their planet. The characters are great; each has a distinct personality and is unique in their own way. Kurt Russell puts in a star performance as the lead, but all the actors are mostly upstaged by the incredible, practical effects. One of the absolute classics of the horror and science fiction genres.
9.2/10

30th- Deep Red:
I have mentioned numerous times about my love for the Italian slasher/thriller horror sub-genre called Giallo. Deep Red is one of the better, but not best, of the films by the master of giallo Dario Argento. Like most giallo flicks, the film follows an average person, in this case a music teacher played by David Hemmings, who witnesses a violent murder and goes on an amateur investigation to find the murderer. The film includes many thrilling moments but is especially well known for its incredible over the top death scenes. Many regard this as Argento's masterpiece but I prefer Tenebre and Opera because I think the score by electronic puck band Goblin add so much great atmosphere to those flicks that this one was unfortunately lacking. Nevertheless Deep Red is still a very solid flick that hits all the high notes of the genre. And to think I found this Italian classic in a 50 DVD "Chilling Movie" pack which cost $5 and is made up almost exclusively with the lowest of the low budget awful horror films.
7.8/10

31st- Halloween (Do you even have to fucking ask? Of course it is the 1978 original horror masterpiece not that piece of shit Rob Zombie dragged Malcolm McDowell into in 2007):
After 30 movies watched in the previous 30 days I FINALLY made it to the finish line. While I had grown incredibly tired of watching movies by this stage, watching the classic that is Halloween I instantly remembered my love for the genre and regained the enthusiasm I had at the start. I simply love this movie, it includes everything that a great horror movie should have. It is so well known and created so many sequels and imitators because it is simply that good. While not the first slasher film, John Carpenters 1978 masterpiece seemingly started every major horror movie cliche. One of the absolute greatest scores of all time, so simple yet it is instantly recognizable and to this day still brings chills to my bones. Not sure what else there is to say, great premise, great characters, great villain, simply the best! Everything you will ever want from a horror movie.
9.5/10

Here is the great opening scene from Halloween, one of the most famous in horror movie history:

Bonus Review- Frankenhooker:
I was given this DVD by my coworker along with Blood Diner, reviewed previously, after we had a conversation at work about our favorite horror movies. While she told me she liked these films for their campiness and utter craziness, she did also warn me that they were slightly lewd, vulgar and cheaply made. Boy I wish I had headed her warning and skipped this one. While Blood Diner was over the top sex/gore/camp, it at least had a good balance and somewhat likable characters. Frankenhooker on the other hand has no likeable characters. The main character is a creepy, and I mean creepy, guy who kills a bunch of hookers to take their various body parts to combine with his dead sisters head/mind to create the perfect woman. Weird right. While I am no Victorian when it comes nudity/gore in the movies I watch, clearly, even I was pretty repulsed by most of this movie. It is one thing to have some over the top nudity and gore when it is done for a comical reason, but everything in this film was just done in really bad taste. If you want to watch a well made "B-movie" I would suggest Re-Animator, if you want to watch poor acting/directing/writing/effects when by all means check out Frankenhooker.
5/10


Bonus Video (Spoiler Alert): I wanted to simply recommend the film Phenomena to everyone, but seeing as it is an Italian production and hard to find I doubt that anyone would actually take me up on my recommendation. So below for your enjoyment I give you the most ridiculous ending to any movie I have ever seen. I was absolutely blown away when I watched this the first time, utter insanity. Do not watch the below clip if you think you might someday watch the whole film, I don't want to spoil one of the greatest surprises in horror history.

Horror Movie Fest part Deaux

I said that I would come back to the horrible 31 day horror movie experience I had in 2013, so just in time for Halloween 2015 here is part 2 of the horrormoviethon. It was about halfway through this part of the month where I really started to hate myself for going through with my plan to watch 31 movies in 31 days. I tried to add a bunch of the classic monster flicks in this section of the month to try to keep myself motivated, but I must say I somewhat failed. Looking at some of these titles I don't really know what I can write more than "I had a few drinks and it went mostly like the synopsis said it would". Anyways here are the reviews from October 11-20th. 1 more section left to share after this.

11th- House of the Devil: 

Last time I wrote about this movie I included a clip of my favorite scene of the main character dancing around and playing pool. This time I'll include another cool clip, the awesome throw back style opening credits. Great music, great graphics, love the freeze frames, just a cool ass intro. Definitely one of my favorite horror movies of all time. Takes a while to build the tension, so if you have severe ADD this might not be for you. But it is definitely worth the wait as the payoff is very creepy/scary.

8.8/10

12th- Insidious:
One of the best regarded horror movie of recent years, and I would have to say its reputation is mostly justified. Insidious was one of the first films to break the torture porn craze of the naughts and focus more on atmosphere; truly something to be grateful for. The film is full of many memorable images and creatures, none more so than the duo of assistant paranormal investigators who constantly try to upstage each other. The Further is a decent concept but this film never truly felt very scary. That being said Patrick Wilson is a legend, hope he does more horror films. One day I want to see them name one of the sequels Insidious: Further into the Further.

7.2/10

13th- Hostel: 
I wasn't sure what to expect from this film, it had a pretty bad rap for being a prominent "torture porn" flick, but I also remember it being quite popular when it was released. I was surprised at what I found. While it certainly has a bunch of very gross out scenes, it also had a very comical tone in the first part that made a great contrast with the horrors to come. Not a great film but definitely entertaining. Would recommend to anyone who is bored and wants a few laughs and a bunch of unsettling moments.

6/10

14th - Dracula:
The first of the classics that I watched. While Bela Legosi gave a legendary performance as the titular man, I feel this film has lost a bit over the numerous decades. The setting/characters/plot is all very familiar and iconic, however this film never truly provides any scares like a true horror movie should.

Note: I had seen several places that said the Francis Ford Coppola version, Bram Stokers Dracula, was top notch, his last great film. That is absolute rubbish. People that didn't like it say that Keanu Reeves was a bad choice and couldn't hold an English accent and he ruined the film. That's crap. Everything about that film was just terrible. Can't believe they dragged the great Gary Oldman into that.

Double Note: I have never seen any of the Christopher Lee Hammer film version, but I plan to rectify that situation this October.

6.5/10

15th- Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?: 
This black and white film from the 1960s starting acting heavy weights Joan Crawford and Bette Davis is a psychological horror and contains no gore or major freights. The film is about aging sisters who used to be child stars, one of which was successful as an adult and the other did not. Jane, the one which never achieved fame past stardom is now an alcoholic who terrorizes her other sister who provides the money but is trapped in a wheelchair and unable to defend herself. I had high expectations for this flick considering the acting talent, but 15 days into the month it couldn't hold my attention. There is supposed to be a big reveal at the end of the film but I had turned it off before it got to it.

5.5/10

16th- Frankenstein:
This was probably my favorite of the classic horror films which I watched in October 2013. Horror legend Boris Karloff stars as the monster, but honestly the film is mostly based on the crazy young scientist in the title. I was greatly impressed with the character/characterization of the scientist and thought the actor gave a classic horror movie performance. Lots of famous horror shots that you will no doubt recognize from the countless imitations since its release.

7.5/10

Not a huge fan of Young Frankenstein but here's a classic scene from it

17th- The Mummy:
Another movie with horror legend Boris Karloff. This movie was less big budget action and more based in horror than the Brendon Frasier remake, but honestly I prefer the crappy CGI flick of my youth. This is regarded as a classic, but will probably be found quite boring by most modern film watchers. Honestly nothing that memorable to speak of from this "classic".

6/10

18th- White Zombie: 
Honestly I mostly watched this because it had been in my Netflix instant queue for over 4 years. Absolutely nothing memorable about this movie. I was excited to check out a early zombie movie to see what it was like, and was mostly disappointed. The zombies in this film are more slow moving slaves than man eating monsters. Would not recommend to anyone honestly.

4/10

19th- Dawn of the Dead: (The original of course)
Undoubtedly one of the absolute classics of horror cinema. George A Romero followed up his original groundbreaking zombie film, Night of the Living Dead, with this better financed and better developed sequel.  Film is filled with very heavy handed anti-consumerism.Some people say the effects are a little dated, but I personally love the grey/blue face paint. It is the simplicity of this flick that makes it so simple. Will human beings ever be able to coexist peacefully?

8.6/10

20th- Hellraiser: 
Written and directed by horror legend Clive Barker, Hellraiser was the forerunner to the S&M fascination which culminated in 50 shades of Grey last winter. The film centers on a box which opens up another dimension where the Cenobites take you and torture you for pain/pleasure? The main character, Frank, was trapped in the box for years but escapes and the film focuses on the Cenobites getting him back. While the Cenobites are truly great/memorable horror villains, the plot just seemed too strange and not scary enough to justify its reputation. 

6.5/10

In the spirit of the season here is a great scene from the Peter Jackson New Zealand Zombie Horror-Comedy classic Braindead/Dead Alive:

Big News Week

Hey Guys, aka Dan, sorry for the long delay in writing anything, I've been in a big reading kick and have been too lazy to melt my brain trying to spell a word correctly enough that the auto-correct can figure out what the hell I'm trying to say. Another post will be out in a little while, I promise? Anyways, last week had two Awesome news stories that I thought I should share with you. I mentioned it before, but every week I read the Weekly Ketchup article on Rotten Tomatoes. It is really good and keeps you up to date with whats going on in the movie world, so check it out!
Last Weeks Weekly Ketchup


#1: Trainspotting 2 in the works!!
http://deadline.com/2015/09/trainspotting-sequel-danny-boyle-telluride-steve-jobs-1201516590/

I named the original Trainspotting the best movie of the 90s, so obviously I am quite excited by the news that they are making a sequel to it. All the original 4 stars are apparently on board to make the sequel, it is just a matter of getting their schedules in line. The movie has essentially been planned ever since Irvine Welsh wrote a sequel, Porno, to his original novel in 2002. Danny Boyle always delayed making it because the book sequel is set 9 years after the original and he thought that actors always aged more slowly so he had to delay to get an accurate portrayal. Apparently 20 years is just long enough to make it look authentic! I am debating whether I should read the novel first or go into the movie with no clue as to what is to happen. Either way I'm very excited to find out what happens to everyone's favorite foursome of drug addicts and psychopaths from Edinburgh. Below is my review of Trainspotting from my first ever blog post.

1. Trainspotting: Even Quentin Tarantino is jealous of how perfectly Danny Boyle uses music in this film, easily the greatest film soundtrack of All Time. Not sure whether it's the inventive visual style, my personal interest in addiction, or that I simply like the Scottish slang, but Trainspotting is my favorite film of the 1990's. Mike Renton is truly one of the worst people in any film ever

Here's the Awesome opening scene:

#2: Ronda Rousey set to star in the Roadhouse Remake
http://variety.com/2015/film/news/ronda-rousey-road-house-reboot-1201567956/

While I am not normally a fan of Remakes, I see no reason why this can't be awesome. The original is a classic in 80s cheese, and definitely worth a watch. It revolves around a mysterious bouncer brought in to tame the worlds rowdiest bar. It is completely over the top. If they keep the basic plot and feel from the original, especially the awesome McGruberesque throat grab, I think this could be a quality flick. There is a lot of debate going around over who would win in an MMA fight between Floyd Mayweather and Ronda Rousey, Rousey obvi, but thinking of this movie makes me wonder who would win in a fight between Rousey and 80s badass Patrick Swayze. Unfortunately this debate can never be played out, RIP Bodhi, but hopefully this film can help cement Swayze's legacy to a new generation and add a new spin to an 80s classic.

Foreign Filmssss

As people who read this blog know, I don't only watch films produced in America, but also watch films from around the world, mostly older highly regarded films from abroad. While I do not review too many of these as I don't feel I have the cinematic knowledge or writing ability to properly explain/critique these complicated masterpieces, yet, I do however make a concerted effort to watch them as often as I can. Admittedly I go through phases where I watch a bunch or don't watch them at all for a while. Sometimes it is just hard to motivate yourself to read subtitles for 2 hours, especially since most foreign films are not mindless action like Hollywood films and actually require you to use your brain. Anyways, I came across this list from Empire of the 100 Best Films of World Cinema (non-english, sorry David Lean) and I thought I would share with you guys the films on the list I had seen and the ones I plan to see. I also included a few films from the list that I believe are overrated, and a couple reviews I had previously written of films on the list. I have highlighted ones that are my absolute favorites. Looking at the dates of the films which are highlighted I can tell that my list of the top 10 films of the 60s will have a strong foreign contingent.

Empire: The 100 Best Films Of World Cinema

Films I have Seen:
1. Seven Samurai  2. Amelie  3. Battleship Potemkin  4. Bicycle Thieves  6. Battle of Algiers  7. City of God  8. Seventh Seal  11. La Dolce Vita  12. Metropolis  13. The Rules of the Game  14. 3 Colors  15. Let the Right One In  16. Tokyo Story  18. Oldboy  19. Aguirre: the Wrath of God  22. Rashomon  29. The 400 Blows  33. M  35. The Grand Illusion  40. L'Avventura  44. Ikiru  45. Suspiria  62. 8 1/2  67. The Vanishing  68. Solaris  71. Persona  75. Breathless  82. Battle Royale  86. Run Lola Run  98. Ran  100. Nightwatch

Stats: 7 of top 10, 15 of top 20 and 31 overall

Overrated:
Battleship Potemkin: I know that the famous Odessa steps scene is supposed to be gutwrenchingly emotional, but honestly I could care less that a bunch of commies and communist sympathizers are being gunned down. I don't know enough about cinema to know if Eisenstein used any super innovative techniques at the time he made this film. To me it was just pure communist propaganda.
Bicycle Thieves: I honestly have no idea why this film is so famous. Guy has bike, guy has bike stolen, guy tries to get bike back, guy fails to get bike back and he and his son are heartbroken, Italy is still in shambles after WWII. Simple premise and very boringly executed.
8 1/2: While definitely not a bad film, I found it incredibly imaginative and original, I would mostly say it is overrated because I think it is crazy that people claim this to be Fellini's masterpiece and not La Dolce Vita; no one puts The Sweet Life in the corner.

Plan to See: 5. Pans Labyrinth  17. Apu Trilogy (If only to amuse my Indian colleagues)  20. Y Tu Mama Tambien  21. Nosferatu  25. Das Boot  36. *Dekalogue (Note: I've started this 10 part, 10 hour Polish film/miniseries but have not made my way through it all yet)  38. Ashes and Diamonds (Polish)  39. Le Samourai  61. Knife in the Water (Roman Polanski - Polish)  67. Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon  70. Hard Boiled  76. The Idiots (As I alluded to in a blog post, I purchased this movie with the inention to watch it, but apparently I bought a version that only has Spanish subtitles, apparently I'm one of the Idiots in the title?)

Three Colors- (Blue, White, Red)
-Decided to check out this trilogy by director Krzysztof Kieślowski because he is Polish, and boy am I glad I did. Great intelligent script, wonderful cinematography, they simply don't make films like this in the US.
Strongest- Blue- I LOVE Juliette Binoche, the score is almost as beautiful as the star 9.4/10
Weakest- White- This entry is more comical and less serious than the other entries in the trilogy, but is still a great story of revenge 8.6/10
10. Three Colors: Blue: Sure I might be biased towards this film because I'm Polish, nevertheless, Kieslowski's story of Liberty is one of the most original films of the 90's. Bonus: Juliette Binoche is Beautiful

• The Vanishing: Not just one of the best foreign horror films of all time, The Vanishing is without a doubt one of the best and most original horror films ever. The main character is simply one of the most purely evil villains ever put on film 

Breathless: While I'm embarrassed to admit this is only the second French New Wave film I have seen, the exceptional The 400 Blows being the first. This 1960 film by Jean-Luc Godard is very highly acclaimed, and with good reason, it is a very well made film. The plot is not as important as the style; with jump cuts being revolutionary at the time. Breathless is worthy of its reputation as a classic, couldn't agree more with this quote, “a pop artifact and a daring work of art and even at 50, still cool, still new, still – after all this time! – a bulletin from the future of movies."
Verdict: 8/10

*Note: A review of Run Lola Run should be included in my next blog post, so stay tuned!!!!

Going along with the theme of Foreign Films, I made the below list of films for myself to check out. As you can see many of the films below are included in the Empire list.  While they are not all foreign, and I am not completely finished, I thought I would share with the hope that you had some suggestions for what I should check out next. Right now I plan to check out more films by Jean Luc Godard, Robert Bresson and Andrei Tarkovsky, but I would like your input. Please post any suggestions in the comments section!

Bonus Review: Blood Diner
So I've had a few conversations with one of my managers at work about movies, mostly horror movies that we like. Well she decides that she knows just the movie I would like and brings me this film to watch. Here is the description from the back of the DVD:

"Two cannibals are on a wacky quest to restore life to the 5 million year old goddess Shitar. 
Aided by their dead uncle Anwar's brain and penis - the 2 set out to get the require parts - 
virgins - assorted body parts - whore- and ingredients for a blood buffet"

Yea I'd say she pretty much nailed the recommendation. This was a great 80's style horror comedy full of  over the top gore/nudity and lots of cheesy lines/characters. I would sorta liken it to a lower budget Re-Animater. Blood Diner is the type of movie you watch when you want to turn your brain off and have a good time. Full of inventive deaths and ridiculous characters it can be quite enjoyable if you are in the right mood. However, I did find the brother George to be more creepy than funny and it sort of drags a bit in the middle. Nevertheless it was fun low budget eighties fare. I believe I summarized this film perfectly when I told my manager it was the type of film I think I would make if I had enough time/money/drive. 7/10

Below are some actual quotes from this movie

-"Hey Babe, before I stick my big sausage in you, what do they call you?"

-"I can't wait to Wrestle Johnny Hitler" 'Shut up, I'm thinking about the Master Plan!'

-"Mommy is going to the store, I'm out of Damn Tampons!"

Double Bonus: 
They just released the Trailer for the new series Ash v Evil Dead, a sequel to the Evil Dead trilogy with Bruce Campbell. Debuts on Halloween this year on Starz. Check it out.

Best Movies of the 70s

Back when I first started this blog a few years ago I made a couple posts about my favorite films of the 90s and 80s and based on the incredible number of comments for these posts, aka a number other than zero, it appears that these were fairly well received. As any person in the entertainment industry knows it is important to give the people what they want. Thus, below is the official list of the ten greatest films released in the 1970s. I  reversed the normal order and made it 10-1 to add even more suspense!!! Let me know what films I got wrong/missed.

10. The Man Who Fell to Earth: A great low budget Sci-Fi staring the greatest human being of all time, David Bowie! What more could you want from a 70s movie than that? Bowie plays an alien visitor who is sent to Earth to try to find a way to send water back to his home planet, but he is corrupted by our culture and fails in his duty. The film uses some flashbacks showing his family dying of dehydration transposed with Bowie's life of excess to really drive home its message about humanity. Rip Torn is great as always as Bowie's financial partner and confidant. The Man who fell to Earth is a refreshing Sci-Fi in that it relies on plot instead of special effects. It also has some good music; I particularly liked the version of Hello Mary-Lou in the film. Below is a cool Japanese promotional poster for this film that I have hanging in my room.



9. The Godfather: Lots of people when they list their favorite movies place The Godfather and The Godfather part 2 together; I chose not to. While they might continue the same story from the book, they were filmed and released separately. In my opinion ranking them together is just a cop-out. I've seen a lot of articles where people also place The Godfather Part 2 before the original. While I like the flashback scenes with Bobby De Niro, I find the scenes in the 50s/60s with Michael Corleone to be underwhelming. The original is a classic in every sense of the word, containing great performances, great characters, amazing dialogue; it is infinitely re-watchable. I first rented this film in middle school after I heard someone on TV say that you "weren't a man unless you had seen the Godfather." Lol, stupid reason to see it, but I was no disappointed. The line from the film "it means Luca Braci swims with the fishes" helped inspire the infamous saying "He's with Gaines Adams now".

8. The Sting: Director George Roy Hill and Paul Newman made 3 films together and they all are absolute classics. Of those 3 my favorite is undoubtedly The Sting (The other 2 are Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid and Slapshot). The Sting is the film that won the best picture Oscar sandwiched between the 2 Godfather flicks in 1973. It tells the story of a small town grifter from the 30s, played by Robert Redford, seeking revenge against a mob boss, played by Robert Shaw. In order to get his revenge he seeks the help of a big time con man played by Paul Newman. The Sting from the title is their drawn out con to take money from the mob boss using a fake horse betting operation. The film is full of great performances all around, obviously the 3 big name actors are great, but I particularly like Ray Walston as conman JJ Singleton. He just seems exactly like how I would imagine a 30s grifter to be like; plus he has great facial hair. The score with Ragtime music by Scott Joplin, most notably The Entertainer, perfectly sets the tone for this nostalgic comedy. Truly one of the funnest films of all time, it is impossible to be unhappy watching this film. If you like The Sting then I would suggest you check out Papermoon, another well made comedy about grifters from the 1930s.

7. One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest: Still have yet to read the book. Heard it is quite a bit different than the film but equally as good so I'm certainly excited to check it out. OFOtCN is the story of Randall "Mac" McMurphy, played by Jack Nicholson, who in an attempt to avoid further prison time pretends to be retarded in order to have an "easier" sentence in a mental hospital. While he thought the hospital would be more easy going, it turns out to be just as dictatorial as the prison. The hospital is run by the power hungry Nurse Ratchet who keeps the patients on strict routine and seems more concerned with ensuring no one gets out of line than with actually helping the patients. Mac clashes many times with Nurse Ratchet as he tries to inspire the patients to get motivated and see the world. Mac's struggle to win the patients more freedom tragically results in the suicide of a patient he was trying to help and ultimately the mental hospital giving him a lobotomy. Cuckoos Nest is brilliantly written and acted; it was at the time just the second movie to ever win the big 5 categories at the Oscars: Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Screenplay, Best Director and Best Picture. It is a great tale of the struggle against authoritarian rule. One of the best lasting legacies from the counter culture movement.

6. Halloween: While technically not the first slasher film of all time, arguments are made for Psycho, Peeping Tom and Black Christmas for that title, Halloween is undoubtedly the most influential slasher and the one that started the 80s slasher craze. Why is it the most famous? Because it is simply the best. It started many of the famous tropes of the genre, including a menacing masked killer, the killer refusing to die no matter how much bodily harm they sustain, and of course promiscuous teenagers getting killed. Halloween is surprisingly light on the gore but heavy on the scares. John Carpenter created one of the greatest horror villains in Michael Myers and launched Jamie Lee Curtis' career as the it scream queen of her era. The film has one of the greatest most iconic scores of all time. While the rest of the series is hit or miss, mostly miss, I would recommend the 4th and 5th for cheese and H20 because it is actually pretty decent. I love this film and watch it every Halloween, yes I know I'm lame.

5. Chinatown: As I have previously mentioned I am a big fan of Film Noir, something about private detectives, mystery and femme fatales is just so cool. Chinatown is a "neo-noir" staring Jack Nicholson and directed by Roman Polanski, in one of his last films in the states before fleeing the police. The film begins with a simple job of tailing a man which turns into an investigation into water rights and eventually murder during the corrupt beginnings of the metropolis of Los Angeles. Jack is obviously great as the hard boiled lead character JJ Gittes. Faye Dunaway plays a great femme fatale and famous director John Huston plays a sensational villain, truly evil. Chinatown has all the ingredients of the classic noirs of the 50s and also one of the greatest scripts of all time by Robert Towne. Truly a classic in the genre. Includes one of the most famous/greatest last lines in all of movie history. It's too bad that Polanski has such a troubled personal life. The man truly is one of the masters of world cinema.

4. Badlands: This film was a major influence on the Quinten Tarantino penned film True Romance, ranked 3rd on my favorite films of the 90s. Both stories involve a young couple on the run from the law and include a voice-over from the young female lead. True Romance even stole the score from Badlands; I prefer the original score as it is a bit more raw than the one in True Romance.
Terrance Malick films tend to be slow and focus more on scenery and existential ideas than dialogue and plot. So just a heads up for you ADD Transformers fan type, just because this movie is about some murderers on the lamb, it might not be too exciting in the traditional sense. But that's alright because this movie is wonderfully shot.The final scenes involving car chases through the badlands are gorgeous. Martin Sheen's character is also one of the most interesting in any film I have ever seen. Just a regular fuck up tired of taking shit who loses it, but eventually turns himself in and loves every second of the fame his killing spree has brought him. Finally, as I mentioned in a previous blog post, the below scene is the most perfectly beautiful scene ever made. The music, the voice-over and the scenery are so amazing.

3. 5 Easy Pieces: Yes another Jack Nicholson movie. The man truly owned this decade and 5 Easy Pieces is definitely my favorite performance of his. The story is about a man living the life he wants as opposed to the one society tried to choose for him. Jack plays a hard working hard living steel worker who is forced to confront his past when he learns his dad has suffered a stroke. The 5 easy pieces in the title are a reference to 5 piano pieces that Jack's character, a former child prodigy, plays during the film. Great scenes from Jack include the total lack of empathy he shows when toying with a woman's heart and subsequently mocker her after his emotional performance of  Prelude, Op. 28, No. 4 by Chopin. The scene towards the end of the film where Jack confronts his speechless father and pours out the emotions he's felt towards him for years is also great. Finally, the best scene is of course when Jack tries to order a side of toast from a diner that doesn't have it on the menu, below. Classic. Fucking. Jack.

2. Being There: Peter Sellers plays Chance a mentally disadvantaged long time gardener for a rich old man. When the old man dies, the television obsessed Chance, he likes to watch, is forced out into the real world for the first time with no knowledge of anything besides what he has seen on tv. After a bit of confusion in the street Chance eventually find himself the guest of the rich and powerful Ben Rand who is dying from aplastic anemia. After everyone misinterprets his confused tales of gardening for genius political insight the mysterious Chance is hailed as the next great economic thinker, and possibly the next president. Being There is one of the funniest films I've ever seen and never fails to bring a smile to my face. With a similar plot to Forrest Gump, all I can say is that this is the film that gump wishes it would have been. The use of Eumir Deodato's jazz/funk hybrid with Strauss' Thus Spoke Zarathustra as Chance goes out in the real world for the first time is one of my favorite uses of music in any film, it just absolutely perfectly matches the tone of the film. It's too bad that Peter Sellers didn't win the Oscar for this film as he was brilliant as Chance. The tagline of the film comes from the last line and is a great summary of what you will see "Life is a State of Mind". I bought the Czech poster below for a friend, prolly the coolest purchase I've ever made.


1. A Clockwork Orange: I have written about my fondness for this film on this blog before. It holds a special place in my heart as it was the movie that really got me interested in film and film culture. After I had seen Stanley Kubrick's 1971 masterpiece I knew that there was something more to the medium than just boring mindless action flicks. I know it is a sin to say, but I actually preferred the film to the book version. That's nothing against the book, it's great, the film is simply that fucking good! The story concerns Alex, the teenage leader of a gang in dystopic future London. During a night of "ultra violence" Alex is double crossed by his droogs, gang mates, and is subsequently arrested and charged with murder. While in prison Alex is given the option of being a patient in a new experiment called the Ludoviko Technique in order to end his sentence early. The technique involves Alex watching violent acts while subsequently having a poison/medicine dropped into his eye to make him nauseous. The purpose of this technique is to condition Alex to find his previously violent activities to be grotesque in order to make him an acceptable citizen. The end of the film examines the disastrous results the technique has on his life. The film is an examination of the power of the state and Free Will. It, rightly, takes a very critical point of view of the state/politicians. A Clockwork Orange is famous for its use of slang, the great gang costumes, Beethoven!, and of course the violence. The film was so violent and controversial that director Kubrick withdrew the film form British cinemas after it sparked copycat attacks. If you can stomach the violence then I strongly suggest you check out the film as I definitely believe it to be the best film from the 70s. Below is the famous first scene which introduces the main character Alex and the world which he lives.

Other Great Films:

Harold and Maude: I watched Harold and Maude at a similar time as a Clockwork Orange and it also greatly sparked my interest in film. One of the strangest love stories ever put on film about a dark kid who likes to fake suicides and an octogenarian holocaust survivor who loves life. Can't beat the soundtrack by Cat Stevens!

Play it Again Sam: While Annie Hall may have won a best picture Oscar, I think my pick for the funniest Woody Allen film would be Play it Again Sam. I know I know he didn't direct it, but he did write and star in it. A line from this film has always inspired me, "True, you're not too tall and kind of ugly, but - what the hell, I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own."

The Bird with the Crystal Plumage: The first great Giallo film from the master of the genre Dario Argento. Also check out Deep Red.

Get Carter: Yes surprisingly the Michael Caine original is better than the Sylvester Stallone remake, who would have thought. A classic gritty British crime drama.

Duck You Sucker: The forgotten western from Sergio Leone. While not as well known as the Dollars Trilogy or Once Upon a Time in the West, Duck you Sucker, also known as Fistfull of Dynamite, is equally as epic and well made. The man simply mastered the genre.

Straw Dogs: Probably my favorite film by Sam Peckinpah. Like Get Carter this is a very gritty, very violent, very well made film. Who knew Dustin Hoffman could play a badass? Also check out Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia by SP.

The Last Picture Show: Great coming of age story set in 1950s Texas. The only soundtrack in the movie comes from actual radios in the movie world and the only songs are by Hank Williams Sr. Apparently my dad took a date to this movie in high school and she was very weirded out that he knew every song and sung along to them.

Overrated films of the 70's:

Star Wars: A New Hope - While it is the best in the series, I would argue that it is very far from deserving of its reputation as one of the best blockbusters of all time. It is a kids movie, grow up people.

Rocky: Rocky 3 and Rocky 4 are awesome cheesy action classics, the original Rocky... not so much. The movie simply takes itself way too seriously, which is strange as the lead actor can barely speak intelligible English.

Erasurehead: I LOVE David Lynch, he has a film in my top 3 films from the 80s, 90s and Aughts, however I have never been a huge fan of his first film. I've given it several chances but idk maybe it just isn't for me. Worth checking out tho!

Kramer v Kramer: With the combination of Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep I had very high expectations for this film. Needless to say it did not meet those expectations as I found it incredibly formulaic and dull. Wow dads can be parents too, who knew? Always hard to remember for Jeopardy! that Hoffman actually won an Oscar for this snooze fest.

Young Frankenstein: While by no means a bad film, I simply don't think it compares to the other comedy Mel Brooks released in 1974, Blazing Saddles.

Book Review Edition

It might surprise some of the loyal readers who regularly put up with my horrible grammar and run on sentences, but I can read, and sometimes actually choose to do it. I recently finished a book about one of my all time favorite films and decided it might be a good change of pace to review a few books I have read about the film industry. Below are these reviews.

The Disaster Artist: My Life Inside The Room, The Greatest Bad Movie Ever Made - by Greg Sestero and Tom Bissell- If you have never experienced the film sensation that is The Room then I urge you not to read any further until you have corrected this terrible mistake. The Room is a film that simply must experienced, no description can possibly do it justice. The Disaster Artist is the behind the scenes making of the "Citizen Kane of bad films". The Room is probably one of my favorite films of all time and obviously I loved this book. If you thought Tommy Wiseau was odd based on his film, you have no idea. Greg was a guy from San Fran who caught the acting bug and while trying to make his way to Hollywood met a strange guy from somewhere in Eastern Europe. After doing a scene in acting class together, Greg found himself the only friend of a mysterious rich guy with dreams of becoming the next James Dean. Against the advise of his friends and family, Greg becomes friends with Tommy and actually moves to Tommy's apartment in Hollywood to pursue his dream of becoming an actor. While initially supportive, Tommy becomes very jealous of what he perceives is Greg's success and eventually moves to Hollywood to try to make it himself. I have read stories and seen movies about bad roommates, but Tommy very easily sits close to the top of any list for the worst roommates ever. After failing at acting once again Tommy goes into a very depressive state and "moves to London". Greg believes that this was one of the darkest times in Tommy's life and assumes he was contemplating suicide. As it would happen the thing that brought Tommy out of his gloom was writing the screenplay for The Room, which was initially supposed to be a play. Greg reluctantly decides to help Tommy make his vanity project and the book includes lots of great behind the scenes stories of the tumultuous making of the cult classic film. At times the book might portray Tommy in a bad light, but when it comes down to it this book is the story of a dreamer, Tommy, who conquered all adversity to get his story onto the big screen. The Disaster Artist was an inspiring tale full of many hilarious stories. Highly recommended. 5/5

If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor - by Bruce Campbell - While I can't remember what specifically I learned from the book and what I picked up from the commentaries from the 3 films, yeah I'm that guy, I can tell you that it was a very entertaining story of the lesser known side of Hollywood, the B-movie world. Bruce Campbell is most famous for staring as Ash J. Williams in the Evil Dead trilogy, but he has also had numerous TV show appearances and has stared in an incredible amount of low budget horror movies. If Chins Could Kill tells his story starting as a child growing up outside Detroit who shot flicks with his friend Sam Raimi, original Spiderman trilogy director, on the super 8 through their first film together and finally describing his life as a full fledged cult legend. The book contains lots of very interesting details about the making of the first Evil Dead, a production that was so chaotic it is incredible that the early 20s rookie film makers were able to finish it, let alone create a classic of the genre. The book continues to discuss behind the scenes details of his career, including staring in Army of Darkness and The Adventures of Brisco Country Jr. I really liked the details for why Bruce decided he preferred to make lower profile films and live outside of Hollywood most of the year instead of trying to push and become an A-list celebrity. It is refreshing to hear the story of a star who is down to earth and not super full of himself. The intro about Ivan and Sam Raimi, while clearly most fictional, is nevertheless hilarious. Highly recommended. 5/5

Make Love! The Bruce Campbell Way - Bruce Campbell - His autobiography was extremely captivating, but I don't think Bruce should quit his day job to become a writer. Make Love is a novel from the man with the most famous Chin in B-movie history describing what would happen if he were to get his big break to star in an A list movie. While it has its moments of comedy, it is far from great literature. It is interesting to see him poke fun at Hollywood, but I found the ending a little too over the top. Would only recommend to big fans of Bruce Campbell, the type who actually think 'My Name is Bruce' deserves a sequel. To the normal reader, I would suggest you look elsewhere. 3/5

So that is pretty much the extent of my reading about the movie industry. If you have any books on the subject that you would like to recommend please feel free to leave a comment. You might even get a shout out in a post if I follow your suggestion (talk about incentive!). For now I'll get back to what the people love, reviewing films.

Ichi the Killer - Before watching Ichi the only movie I had seen by director Takashi Miike was Audition... so I guess I should have known I was in for a crazy ride. Similar to Oldboy, Ichi is an Asian movie where they apparently thought of a concept and decided to turn it up to 11 and see what happens. Ultra violent doesn't even begin to describe this film. Luckily the majority of the gore is done with outdated CGI so it isn't too bad to watch, but some scenes are still pretty rough. I think the most disappointing thing about this film is that in all its epic over the top violence, the killer is sort of underwhelming. I found Ichi to be more creepy and weird than actually scary. Luckily the main character of the film, Kakihara, is more than worthy of carrying this crazy film. Too bad Mr. Grey from 50 shades doesn't like guys because he would enjoy Kakihara. A combination of Netflix and Wikipedia would describe Kakihara as a "sadomasochist enforcer" who has an obsession with being beaten by his boss who has gone missing, when it becomes apparent that the mysterious Ichi is responsible, Kakihara is hoping to find Ichi because he "may be able to inflict the level of pain Kakihara so badly craves." There might be some parts that are awfully strange, but I hope you stick with this film because the pay off it pretty good. Honestly one of the most ridiculous films I have ever seen. WTF is wrong with Asian people? 7.5/10


Seven Psychopaths - I decided to watch this film because I heard it was from the director of In Bruges. While I remember liking In Bruges, honestly I watched in a period of heavy drinking and can't recall much about what made me like it. Nevertheless I had heard good things about 7 Psychopaths and was glad I rented it. The film is sort of like Adaptation in that the screenwriter wrote himself into the film after struggling to write a straight forward story. The writer director is very good at weaving comedy into his very violent films. Supporting characters played by Sam Rockwell, Woody Harrelson and of course Christopher Walken all get very big laughs. Sam Rockwell's character's description of a possible final shootout scenario is utterly hilarious. It sound strange, but the weakest character in the film is the one of the writer played by Colin Farrell. All he does is drink and complain. Surprising that a guy with so much talent would spend all his time on the supporting characters and forget to give himself anything interesting to do. The seven psychopaths are mostly memorable, altho a few are a little less than others; the Vietnamese monk is clearly the best as all the characters openly acknowledge. Seven Psychopaths was a fun, often times very funny, self referential action flick that I suggest you check out. My only regret with liking this film so much is that I know I will have to go back and rewatch In Bruges. If there is one thing I remember very clearly from In Bruges it is that a midget is featured heavily in at least a few scenes. #TheHorror 8.2/10

Here's a video mashup of Sam Rockwell dancing. Man I wish I knew how to do that.

Reviews and Ramblings

Nymphomaniac - So in my post about movie trilogies I mentioned that I really wanted to check out the Europa and the Golden Heart film trilogies from director Lars Von Trier as each series had movies that were nominated or won prizes at Cannes. Although I purchased all the films from the Golden Heart trilogy, I stupidly bought the Spanish version of The Idiots thinking it would still have English subtitles... wrong, so I have not yet finished either of his well regarded trilogies. I have however completed his most recent trilogy of films known as his Depression trilogy, so named because he made them after a multi-year break in his career when he semi-retired due to severe depression. Not surprisingly the films take he made after this period are significantly darker in tone than his earlier movies. The depression trilogy is made up of Antichrist, Melancholia and Nymphomaniac. I have reviewed the first two films in the series before on this blog, reposted below, and thanks to a drunk purchase I am able to review the final movie, a 2-parter!, in the series.

I'm not really sure how to review Nymphomaniac. I thought about splitting the review up for the 2 volumes, or the 8 sections in the film, but honestly I remember so little of the actual plot that I can't do that. This film has no real interesting or memorable plot, but really just consists of a bunch of weird things LVG thought up to weird people out. The scenes in the present where the narrator talks to Stellan Skarsgard about her life are the most infuriating as Stellan's over-educated character constantly relates her stories to seemingly random objects in the room. The movie is about a character who is obsessed with sex, but it has to be the least sexy movie I have ever seen. While the plot is not too memorable, there are many specific scenes that for better or worse will stick with you. The little girl enjoying the bathroom floor, Christian Slater's father character describing his love for ash trees, and Shia Labeauf's fondness for the Fibonacci sequence 3-5 spring to mind in the first part. Side note, apparently Shia wanted to be cast in this film so badly that he sent a film of himself and his girlfriend having sex to LVG, wonder what the girlfriend thought about that, or whatever happened to the video. This film must take place in a different reality than our own as I refuse to believe anyone values a bag of candy as much as 2 characters in this film. While volume one is quite flawed, it does at least resemble a movie, the second volume is just total trash. It's too bad that the guy found some college prude instead of the lead character in this film, I feel he would have enjoyed him self more with Joe than a crappy Bella knockoff. The 4 hour long film ends with a scene that would make R Kelly proud. Not the worst film I've ever seen, but I struggle to come up with anyone I would actually recommend it to. After watching this film you will never want to hear the words Duck or Silent used in the same sentence ever again. 6/10

Below are reviews I have made for the other 2 films in the trilogy... the 4 in front of Antichrist indicates that it is the 4th most disturbing film I have ever watched... still gives me nightmares

4. Antichrist- Danish director Lars Von Trier is probably the most acclaimed director working today so I knew I had to eventually check out his film's; I dare say I chose the wrong film to get started with. Antichrist was LVT's first film after a multi-year absence from directing due to severe depression, and it shows. In the opening scene a couple has passionate sex completely unaware that their child has escaped from his crib eventually falling out a window to his death. After the tragedy the husband, a trained psychotherapist, takes his wife to a cabin in the woods to try to treat her depression and guilt. Having your child die while you have sex is bound to mess with your sex life, but I was not expecting this. Obviously the film leads into sadomasochism and then even worse genital mutilation. If you watch just one film wherein Willem Defoe gets hit in the balls with a log and then ejaculates blood, I suggest you make it this one. 

Note: Apparently body doubles were used for the sexually graphic scenes, so you readers with the Willem fetish may have to look elsewhere.

Melancholia- I decided to give Lars Von Trier a second try after a bad experience with the disturbing Antichrist, and I'm glad I did. The film is about a depressed woman staying with her sisters family when the earth is about to be hit by another planet. LVP got the idea for this film when he heard that people with depression remain calm in intense situations because they always expect the worst. Kirsten Dunst had a depression spell a year or so prior to filming and pulls off probably her best performance as the depressed sister, good casting. Likewise, Charlotte Gainsbourg is a very talented actress and is fun to watch, that is when she's not cutting off her clit with a dirty pair of scissors. The film was very original, very interesting and had great visuals 8/10
Bonus: Kirsten Dunst's big old boobies are shown in this film. Who knew that the girl from Jumanji would grow up to have such large chest beefers???

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Flash Gordon - Pure 80s Cheese of the Highest order! If you do not understand the concept of camp or hated the 80s then this is not the film for you. Flash Gordon is truly one of the most ridiculous movies I have ever seen. This film should be studied by future generations who would like to know what america was like in the 1980s. Here is an actual line of dialogue from the film, "I don't want to go to a moon, I want to go rescue my friends and save Earth!". The plot concerns the quarterback of the NY Jets being kidnapped by a scientist to venture in a rocket to the far reaches of the universe to confront a dictator who is destroying Earth because he's bored. It actually features Flash Gordon throwing football shaped objects and making football type runs in order to beat up the supposedly powerful dictators armed guards, 1 min mark of the video below. I think my favorite thing about this film is how everyone just goes with the flow. The most outlandish things happen to the characters and they just seem to accept them no questions asked. The sets are awesome in this flick, but I think the best part is the awful awful acting. It might sound strange, but I believe this movie would have been hurt by hiring more experienced/better actors as those snobs would most likely would be unwilling to embrace the inherent goofiness of the film. One thing that I was very disappointed about with this film was the soundtrack. I had always heard that Queen made the soundtrack and was aware of the song Flash so I had high expectations. Unfortunately to call it a soundtrack is a little deceiving as there is in fact only the one song which they stretched out across the entire film. Don't get me wrong I like the song, I was just hoping for more. I think of Flash Gordon as an 80s style Barbarella, with interesting set designs and clothes and an absolutely absurdly cheesy plot. I believe that the supporting role of Prince Baron in this film must certainly be the part which got Timothy Dalton the job as Bond. Flash Gordon is well deserving of its cult status and is a great view if you are in the mood for mindless fun. 7.2/10

===================================================

Thoughts on Sequels: While I am not against sequels, after all my all time favorite movie is a sequel and I wrote a post about my favorite movie trilogies, I do believe that the sequels must have a purpose. If there is no intriguing reason to continue the story arc from the earlier films then the films are doomed to be terrible. I understand that Hollywood is about making money, however a film making a boatload of cash is not a sufficient reason for a sequel. Sadly movie goers refuse to demand higher quality from sequels and continue to show up in droves. Unsurprisingly the public gets sequels of worse and worse quality, think Hangover 2 and 3. Stupid movie audience get what they deserve. A ridiculous trend which has been hot in Hollywood lately is making sequels to movies and absurd amount of time after the series had stopped with a prayer that nostalgia for the films up to decades ago will lead to box office success. Typically this dumb idea results in failure, think Dumb and Dumber. Below are my thought on a few of these "long awaited" sequels which have been confirmed recently. Fingers crossed that the new TV show Ash vs The Evil Dead is good, even though it is staring Bruce Campbell and produced by Sam Raimi, it has been, gulp, 22 years since Army of Darkness was released.

Rush Hour 4 - The line that spawned 4 movies. I can just picture how this got greenlit, Chris Tucker- "Do you understand the wordsss that are comin outta my mouth?", Movie Producer- "Brilliant! Still funny, wheel out Jackie Chan, let make a 4th!"

Shanghai Knights - Jackie Chan is famous for doing his own stunts and has sustained many serious injuries over his career. The martial arts master is also now 61, how can he possibly still star in action movies? Also Owen Wilson is completely washed up. I think what most surprised me about this announcement wasn't that they were making a 3rd in this series, it's that the first two actually have positive scores of Rotten Tomatoes. Who seriously watches these films?

Bad Boys III - Thanks to After Earth Will Smith's star power has fallen enough that they can afford to pay his wages and make the long awaited 3rd installment to this 20 year old franchise. This might honestly be the first non Big Mama role for Martin Lawrence since Bad Boys II. Other than Nick Frost's character in Hot Fuzz, I don't know anyone who actually likes these films.

Speaking of Hot Fuzz, Slee you ever gonna give me back my DVD you jerk?!

Horror Moviefest: Part 1

So 2 years ago as a newly employed corporate slave I for some reason had the moronic idea to watch a different horror movie every day of October. It apparently sounded like a good idea at the time, however by about day 5 I was already beginning to regret my decision. Unfortunately I had already told so many people about it that I was too embarrassed not to go through with it. Over the next couple weeks I'll occasionally post some quick reviews for the 31 films I watched during my Horror Moviefest. Please note that at the time of this marathon I was still adjusting to the awful monotonousness of working life and was drinking heavily, so I apologize if some of my reviews are quite lacking. Honestly I think I fell asleep during a few of them too...

1st - Friday the 13th - The original of course, not the unnecessary Michael Bay produced remake. While this film may not have held up as well as the original Halloween or Nightmare on Elm St., it is nevertheless a true classic worthy of starting my epic movie marathon. It didn't start the slasher franchise, but it was the first film to truly follow all the now classic slasher movie rules/cliches. Who doesn't love seeing Kevin Bacon take an arrow through the throat? As most people know, besides Drew Barrymore apparently, Jason is not the killer in the original film, but he does make a brief cameo appearance. Necessary viewing for any self respecting horror fan. 7.4/10

I'm Afraid that's a wrong answer...

2nd - The Haunting in Connecticut - This was just your average very formulaic modern jump scare possession movie. Honestly I remember this film more for a bad joke a friend from undergrad used to make about it than for anything that happened in the film itself. 4/10

3rd - Freaks - One of my biggest fears is midgets; they just creep me out. I know that isn't PC to say but it's true. I had heard about this movie years ago but was hesitant to watch it as it is notable for casting real life circus freaks. Overall it was a pretty well made horror film, scarier than most horror films from its time. Some of the acting and plot is pretty poor but that's to be expected with amateur actors. The film has a very memorable conclusion that is very creepy. Below is a parody of that scene from South Park. 7/10

4th - Ginger Dead Man 3 - When I started this film I was nervous that I would be very lost at the start of it. After all, although I had seen the first one, a classic with Gary Bucey, I had missed the second. Surprisingly it did not seem like I missed any major plot points and was able to follow along fine. I believe this one involved time travel back to a 70s roller disco. If you have seen any other films in the series then you know what to expect. Like most horror franchises with many sequels the films became more about humor and over the top kills than actual horror. Unfortunately Gary Bucey does not reprise his voice role. Only check this film out if you for some reason like the franchise and have 65 minutes to kill. 5/10

5th - A Nightmare on Elm Street - Once again I unfortunately have to stipulate that I of course watched the original Wes Craven classic, not a Michael Bay produced ripoff. I had heard great things about this series for years, I mean who hasn't heard, but for whatever reason it took me forever to finally watch it. I guess I had read so much about how it descended into poor comedy online that I honestly didn't have very high expectations. Boy was I wrong. The original is an absolute classic. Sure the plot is absurd, but it is very well made and very scary. It has a surprisingly very low body count, but the deaths are quite memorable. Johnny Depp death scene actually predicts what his career would look like in the 2010s. 8/10

6th - Tenebre - As anyone who follows my twitter knows, I am a huge fan of the Italian Horror genre called Giallo. The genre has a pretty specific formula wherein a normal citizen gets caught up investigating a series of violent murders which usually leads to epic chase scenes accompanied by heavy metal music. Tenebre is an example of the Giallo formula done to perfection by the master of the genre Dario Argento, accompanied by his awesome band Goblin. Highly recommended to anyone who has never seen a Giallo film. Check out The Bird with the Crystal Plumage and Opera by Argento if you like or can't find Tenebre. 7.8/10

7th - The Grudge - I watched the original Japanese version. I believe I looked it up and was surprised to find that The Grudge was actually the 3rd movie in a horror franchise in Japan. Movie wasn't terrible, but I found it more weird than actually scary. Hard to believe Hollywood found anything worth remaking for an american audience. Maybe things are more scary when they happen to SMG? 5.5/10

8th - Prince of Darkness - I am a big fan of John Carpenter, and although this is not one of his most well known films, it is still one of the better horror films from the 80s. Honestly I could watch paint dry if it has a John Carpenter score. The plot concerns the Devil coming into our world through some anti-matter particle. While the film might not live up to the epic nature of the plot, it is nevertheless a quality scary movie from a master of horror. Apparently Alice Cooper brought along a prop from his stage show which he used in his cameo. 7.5/10

9th - Halloween H2O - I'd say that besides Evil Dead, Halloween would have to be my favorite horror movie franchise. I decided to purchase a 3 pack of movies from the latter part of the series which includes Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers, Halloween H2O and Halloween Resurrection. Besides some hilarious acting choices, Paul Rudd in 6 and Busta Rhymes in Resurrection, the other films in the 3-pack are quite forgettable. H20 is definitely the strongest in the series besides the original, with Jamie Lee Curtis returning to the series that made her famous. More hilarious casting of young Josh Hartnett and LL Cool J aside, this is your typical Halloween flick. Michael Myers kills teens, refuses to die and somehow can't kill the 1 person he's going after. Includes a few more scares and some better production values to put it above the previous entries in the series. 7.2/10

10th - Peeping Tom - I highly anticipated watching this film as I had heard many positive things. Apparently this film was so controversial at the time it was released that it ruined a once promising director's career. However, over time it has become regarded as a classic. I don't think I would rate it as high as the true horror classics but it was an interesting flick. Main character was incredibly creepy and it sort of had a Rear Window type vibe putting the audience in a voyeuristic perspective. 6.5.10

To be Continued.....

Reeeee-views

With the end of the EPL season I realized I was in for a Loooooong summer, so in order to fill the massive time void I decided to reactivate my old netflix account. DVD by mail, none of that dumb streaming shit. With the DVDs you actually have a large worthwhile selection, not just seasons 2, 3 and 7 of Toddlers in Tiaras and 5 direct to video Christian Slater flicks. So long story short I've got bad news, with my account now reactivated and only transfer rumors to fill my soccer appetite, I will have time to watch and review movies for the interwebs.

Mad Max: Fury Road
For me the original Mad Max trilogy is hit or miss. The first film was pretty raw, but not without its charm and cool low-budget action sequences. The second is an action masterpiece, an extremely strange masterpiece, but a masterpiece nonetheless.The third film is absolute shit. I mean "2 men enter 1 man leaves" is a catchy phrase and all, but that is literally the only redeemable part of the movie. It is essentially apocalyptic Australian Neverland with Tina Turner, aka garbage. I think I gave it a 2/10 in my review 2 years ago. I had heard good things about this new flick but I was still a little hesitant to believe that it could be as good as everyone said. Afterall, it had been 30 years since George Miller made Beyond Thunderdome and they had replaced Mel Gibson in his iconic role. The movie cost $150M which seems astronomical considering the inherent risk of returning to the Austraulian desert wasteland after 30 years, but every single dollar is apparent on the screen. Simply one of the most breathtaking flicks I have ever seen. Glad I spent the extra bucks to see it on an IMax screen. The movie is pretty much the epic final chase scene from the second film lengthened to an entire movie. So simplistic of a plot risks losing the audiences attention without anything for them to cling on to. George Miller is able to combat this and add a surprising amount of emotional depth by introducing the badass Furiosa and her quest to free the wives from their evil ruler. While the title might include Mad Max, Furiosa steals the show from the title man. Tom Hardy is alright as Max, he is a little bit more of a klutz than the stoic portrayal Mel made famous, but he is upstaged by Charlize Theron in his own movie. This is not a bad thing tho because Furiosa is an awesome, badass, original character worthy of leading an action epic. There are lots of boring articles online discussing whether or not this was a femenist film, and possible ramifications for the future of Hollywood action films, so check those out if you must. The film delivered everything that fans of the original series wanted, iconic desert imagery, hilarious characters/outfits, and of course EPIC action pieces. The only true weak spot of the film is the villain who is a little forgettable. However that is just a minor gripe as this flick is too fast paced and heart pounding to allow you any time to notice the villains deficiencies. I cannot praise this film enough, prolly rivals Aliens for greatest pure action film ever made. Truly a great summer popcorn flick. Hopefully this flick made enough money that they can greenlight a sequel and fix the mistake of not including Mel Gibson. #LongLiveMel
9.2/10

Nightcrawler
When the rave reviews first started coming out for this movie I initially thought to go see it in theaters, however my reservations at seeing Jake Gyllenhaal staring in it prevented me from doing so. I have to say I am very glad I decided to finally give it a chance and get the blu ray from Netflix. Nightcrawler is a very sleek looking film with an incredibly interesting plot, well written/original characters, and an amazing performance by JG as Lou Bloom. Lou is truly one of the most incredible characters in recent film history. Sort of a psychotic autodidact who believes anything he reads online and stops at nothing to meet his career goals. From the commercials I had some idea of where the movie was going, but I have to say that I was still surprised at how it got there. Although, I have to say that I saw one of the big reveals at the end of the movie coming a mile away. Nevertheless, Nightcrawler is definitely one of the more cooler most original movies to come out in a while, I hope that Dan Gilroy directs some move movies in the future, and I will be eager to check them out if he does. And yes, Jake Gyllenhaal's performance is so good that I think I will finally have to forgive him for Donnie Darko. Highly recommended.
9/10


High Sierra
I am a HUGE fan of both Humphrey Bogart and Film Noirs so when I saw that TCM was having a Film Noir marathon every Friday for the next 2 months I was very excited. Their first marathon included some classics, The Maltese Falcon and M, however I was most interested in watching a HB movie I had never seen before, High Sierra. While this wasn't a bad flick it also wasn't anything special. I was a little surprised that TCM had categorized it as a film noir as there is no femme fatale nor any mystery; I thought it would be more accurately called a Ganster flick. The film included a fine performance by HB, his first staring role pavingd the way for Maltese Falcon later in the year, but there were also several very weak elements to the film. Early Hollywood films are full of nostalgia and charm, but they also have a tendency to be a little too light hearted for my liking. There is some cool scenery and a few interesting characters but the film lacked any true feeling of suspense. If you haven't seen an HB flick before and want to know what he is all about I would start with The Maltese Falcon or Treasure of the Sierra Madre. I would only watch High Sierra, if like me, you are a huge HB fan and want to see his entire catalog.
5/10

Jurassic World
Been seeing a lot of positive buzz about the latest Jurassic Park sequel, Jurassic World. While the original is an absolute classic, and star Chris Pratt certainly has some charisma, I think people need to have more restrained expectations. If you are still super pumped after watching the below clip from the film then you are either delusional or an idiot.
Hold onto your butts...