Book Review Edition

It might surprise some of the loyal readers who regularly put up with my horrible grammar and run on sentences, but I can read, and sometimes actually choose to do it. I recently finished a book about one of my all time favorite films and decided it might be a good change of pace to review a few books I have read about the film industry. Below are these reviews.

The Disaster Artist: My Life Inside The Room, The Greatest Bad Movie Ever Made - by Greg Sestero and Tom Bissell- If you have never experienced the film sensation that is The Room then I urge you not to read any further until you have corrected this terrible mistake. The Room is a film that simply must experienced, no description can possibly do it justice. The Disaster Artist is the behind the scenes making of the "Citizen Kane of bad films". The Room is probably one of my favorite films of all time and obviously I loved this book. If you thought Tommy Wiseau was odd based on his film, you have no idea. Greg was a guy from San Fran who caught the acting bug and while trying to make his way to Hollywood met a strange guy from somewhere in Eastern Europe. After doing a scene in acting class together, Greg found himself the only friend of a mysterious rich guy with dreams of becoming the next James Dean. Against the advise of his friends and family, Greg becomes friends with Tommy and actually moves to Tommy's apartment in Hollywood to pursue his dream of becoming an actor. While initially supportive, Tommy becomes very jealous of what he perceives is Greg's success and eventually moves to Hollywood to try to make it himself. I have read stories and seen movies about bad roommates, but Tommy very easily sits close to the top of any list for the worst roommates ever. After failing at acting once again Tommy goes into a very depressive state and "moves to London". Greg believes that this was one of the darkest times in Tommy's life and assumes he was contemplating suicide. As it would happen the thing that brought Tommy out of his gloom was writing the screenplay for The Room, which was initially supposed to be a play. Greg reluctantly decides to help Tommy make his vanity project and the book includes lots of great behind the scenes stories of the tumultuous making of the cult classic film. At times the book might portray Tommy in a bad light, but when it comes down to it this book is the story of a dreamer, Tommy, who conquered all adversity to get his story onto the big screen. The Disaster Artist was an inspiring tale full of many hilarious stories. Highly recommended. 5/5

If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor - by Bruce Campbell - While I can't remember what specifically I learned from the book and what I picked up from the commentaries from the 3 films, yeah I'm that guy, I can tell you that it was a very entertaining story of the lesser known side of Hollywood, the B-movie world. Bruce Campbell is most famous for staring as Ash J. Williams in the Evil Dead trilogy, but he has also had numerous TV show appearances and has stared in an incredible amount of low budget horror movies. If Chins Could Kill tells his story starting as a child growing up outside Detroit who shot flicks with his friend Sam Raimi, original Spiderman trilogy director, on the super 8 through their first film together and finally describing his life as a full fledged cult legend. The book contains lots of very interesting details about the making of the first Evil Dead, a production that was so chaotic it is incredible that the early 20s rookie film makers were able to finish it, let alone create a classic of the genre. The book continues to discuss behind the scenes details of his career, including staring in Army of Darkness and The Adventures of Brisco Country Jr. I really liked the details for why Bruce decided he preferred to make lower profile films and live outside of Hollywood most of the year instead of trying to push and become an A-list celebrity. It is refreshing to hear the story of a star who is down to earth and not super full of himself. The intro about Ivan and Sam Raimi, while clearly most fictional, is nevertheless hilarious. Highly recommended. 5/5

Make Love! The Bruce Campbell Way - Bruce Campbell - His autobiography was extremely captivating, but I don't think Bruce should quit his day job to become a writer. Make Love is a novel from the man with the most famous Chin in B-movie history describing what would happen if he were to get his big break to star in an A list movie. While it has its moments of comedy, it is far from great literature. It is interesting to see him poke fun at Hollywood, but I found the ending a little too over the top. Would only recommend to big fans of Bruce Campbell, the type who actually think 'My Name is Bruce' deserves a sequel. To the normal reader, I would suggest you look elsewhere. 3/5

So that is pretty much the extent of my reading about the movie industry. If you have any books on the subject that you would like to recommend please feel free to leave a comment. You might even get a shout out in a post if I follow your suggestion (talk about incentive!). For now I'll get back to what the people love, reviewing films.

Ichi the Killer - Before watching Ichi the only movie I had seen by director Takashi Miike was Audition... so I guess I should have known I was in for a crazy ride. Similar to Oldboy, Ichi is an Asian movie where they apparently thought of a concept and decided to turn it up to 11 and see what happens. Ultra violent doesn't even begin to describe this film. Luckily the majority of the gore is done with outdated CGI so it isn't too bad to watch, but some scenes are still pretty rough. I think the most disappointing thing about this film is that in all its epic over the top violence, the killer is sort of underwhelming. I found Ichi to be more creepy and weird than actually scary. Luckily the main character of the film, Kakihara, is more than worthy of carrying this crazy film. Too bad Mr. Grey from 50 shades doesn't like guys because he would enjoy Kakihara. A combination of Netflix and Wikipedia would describe Kakihara as a "sadomasochist enforcer" who has an obsession with being beaten by his boss who has gone missing, when it becomes apparent that the mysterious Ichi is responsible, Kakihara is hoping to find Ichi because he "may be able to inflict the level of pain Kakihara so badly craves." There might be some parts that are awfully strange, but I hope you stick with this film because the pay off it pretty good. Honestly one of the most ridiculous films I have ever seen. WTF is wrong with Asian people? 7.5/10


Seven Psychopaths - I decided to watch this film because I heard it was from the director of In Bruges. While I remember liking In Bruges, honestly I watched in a period of heavy drinking and can't recall much about what made me like it. Nevertheless I had heard good things about 7 Psychopaths and was glad I rented it. The film is sort of like Adaptation in that the screenwriter wrote himself into the film after struggling to write a straight forward story. The writer director is very good at weaving comedy into his very violent films. Supporting characters played by Sam Rockwell, Woody Harrelson and of course Christopher Walken all get very big laughs. Sam Rockwell's character's description of a possible final shootout scenario is utterly hilarious. It sound strange, but the weakest character in the film is the one of the writer played by Colin Farrell. All he does is drink and complain. Surprising that a guy with so much talent would spend all his time on the supporting characters and forget to give himself anything interesting to do. The seven psychopaths are mostly memorable, altho a few are a little less than others; the Vietnamese monk is clearly the best as all the characters openly acknowledge. Seven Psychopaths was a fun, often times very funny, self referential action flick that I suggest you check out. My only regret with liking this film so much is that I know I will have to go back and rewatch In Bruges. If there is one thing I remember very clearly from In Bruges it is that a midget is featured heavily in at least a few scenes. #TheHorror 8.2/10

Here's a video mashup of Sam Rockwell dancing. Man I wish I knew how to do that.

Reviews and Ramblings

Nymphomaniac - So in my post about movie trilogies I mentioned that I really wanted to check out the Europa and the Golden Heart film trilogies from director Lars Von Trier as each series had movies that were nominated or won prizes at Cannes. Although I purchased all the films from the Golden Heart trilogy, I stupidly bought the Spanish version of The Idiots thinking it would still have English subtitles... wrong, so I have not yet finished either of his well regarded trilogies. I have however completed his most recent trilogy of films known as his Depression trilogy, so named because he made them after a multi-year break in his career when he semi-retired due to severe depression. Not surprisingly the films take he made after this period are significantly darker in tone than his earlier movies. The depression trilogy is made up of Antichrist, Melancholia and Nymphomaniac. I have reviewed the first two films in the series before on this blog, reposted below, and thanks to a drunk purchase I am able to review the final movie, a 2-parter!, in the series.

I'm not really sure how to review Nymphomaniac. I thought about splitting the review up for the 2 volumes, or the 8 sections in the film, but honestly I remember so little of the actual plot that I can't do that. This film has no real interesting or memorable plot, but really just consists of a bunch of weird things LVG thought up to weird people out. The scenes in the present where the narrator talks to Stellan Skarsgard about her life are the most infuriating as Stellan's over-educated character constantly relates her stories to seemingly random objects in the room. The movie is about a character who is obsessed with sex, but it has to be the least sexy movie I have ever seen. While the plot is not too memorable, there are many specific scenes that for better or worse will stick with you. The little girl enjoying the bathroom floor, Christian Slater's father character describing his love for ash trees, and Shia Labeauf's fondness for the Fibonacci sequence 3-5 spring to mind in the first part. Side note, apparently Shia wanted to be cast in this film so badly that he sent a film of himself and his girlfriend having sex to LVG, wonder what the girlfriend thought about that, or whatever happened to the video. This film must take place in a different reality than our own as I refuse to believe anyone values a bag of candy as much as 2 characters in this film. While volume one is quite flawed, it does at least resemble a movie, the second volume is just total trash. It's too bad that the guy found some college prude instead of the lead character in this film, I feel he would have enjoyed him self more with Joe than a crappy Bella knockoff. The 4 hour long film ends with a scene that would make R Kelly proud. Not the worst film I've ever seen, but I struggle to come up with anyone I would actually recommend it to. After watching this film you will never want to hear the words Duck or Silent used in the same sentence ever again. 6/10

Below are reviews I have made for the other 2 films in the trilogy... the 4 in front of Antichrist indicates that it is the 4th most disturbing film I have ever watched... still gives me nightmares

4. Antichrist- Danish director Lars Von Trier is probably the most acclaimed director working today so I knew I had to eventually check out his film's; I dare say I chose the wrong film to get started with. Antichrist was LVT's first film after a multi-year absence from directing due to severe depression, and it shows. In the opening scene a couple has passionate sex completely unaware that their child has escaped from his crib eventually falling out a window to his death. After the tragedy the husband, a trained psychotherapist, takes his wife to a cabin in the woods to try to treat her depression and guilt. Having your child die while you have sex is bound to mess with your sex life, but I was not expecting this. Obviously the film leads into sadomasochism and then even worse genital mutilation. If you watch just one film wherein Willem Defoe gets hit in the balls with a log and then ejaculates blood, I suggest you make it this one. 

Note: Apparently body doubles were used for the sexually graphic scenes, so you readers with the Willem fetish may have to look elsewhere.

Melancholia- I decided to give Lars Von Trier a second try after a bad experience with the disturbing Antichrist, and I'm glad I did. The film is about a depressed woman staying with her sisters family when the earth is about to be hit by another planet. LVP got the idea for this film when he heard that people with depression remain calm in intense situations because they always expect the worst. Kirsten Dunst had a depression spell a year or so prior to filming and pulls off probably her best performance as the depressed sister, good casting. Likewise, Charlotte Gainsbourg is a very talented actress and is fun to watch, that is when she's not cutting off her clit with a dirty pair of scissors. The film was very original, very interesting and had great visuals 8/10
Bonus: Kirsten Dunst's big old boobies are shown in this film. Who knew that the girl from Jumanji would grow up to have such large chest beefers???

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Flash Gordon - Pure 80s Cheese of the Highest order! If you do not understand the concept of camp or hated the 80s then this is not the film for you. Flash Gordon is truly one of the most ridiculous movies I have ever seen. This film should be studied by future generations who would like to know what america was like in the 1980s. Here is an actual line of dialogue from the film, "I don't want to go to a moon, I want to go rescue my friends and save Earth!". The plot concerns the quarterback of the NY Jets being kidnapped by a scientist to venture in a rocket to the far reaches of the universe to confront a dictator who is destroying Earth because he's bored. It actually features Flash Gordon throwing football shaped objects and making football type runs in order to beat up the supposedly powerful dictators armed guards, 1 min mark of the video below. I think my favorite thing about this film is how everyone just goes with the flow. The most outlandish things happen to the characters and they just seem to accept them no questions asked. The sets are awesome in this flick, but I think the best part is the awful awful acting. It might sound strange, but I believe this movie would have been hurt by hiring more experienced/better actors as those snobs would most likely would be unwilling to embrace the inherent goofiness of the film. One thing that I was very disappointed about with this film was the soundtrack. I had always heard that Queen made the soundtrack and was aware of the song Flash so I had high expectations. Unfortunately to call it a soundtrack is a little deceiving as there is in fact only the one song which they stretched out across the entire film. Don't get me wrong I like the song, I was just hoping for more. I think of Flash Gordon as an 80s style Barbarella, with interesting set designs and clothes and an absolutely absurdly cheesy plot. I believe that the supporting role of Prince Baron in this film must certainly be the part which got Timothy Dalton the job as Bond. Flash Gordon is well deserving of its cult status and is a great view if you are in the mood for mindless fun. 7.2/10

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Thoughts on Sequels: While I am not against sequels, after all my all time favorite movie is a sequel and I wrote a post about my favorite movie trilogies, I do believe that the sequels must have a purpose. If there is no intriguing reason to continue the story arc from the earlier films then the films are doomed to be terrible. I understand that Hollywood is about making money, however a film making a boatload of cash is not a sufficient reason for a sequel. Sadly movie goers refuse to demand higher quality from sequels and continue to show up in droves. Unsurprisingly the public gets sequels of worse and worse quality, think Hangover 2 and 3. Stupid movie audience get what they deserve. A ridiculous trend which has been hot in Hollywood lately is making sequels to movies and absurd amount of time after the series had stopped with a prayer that nostalgia for the films up to decades ago will lead to box office success. Typically this dumb idea results in failure, think Dumb and Dumber. Below are my thought on a few of these "long awaited" sequels which have been confirmed recently. Fingers crossed that the new TV show Ash vs The Evil Dead is good, even though it is staring Bruce Campbell and produced by Sam Raimi, it has been, gulp, 22 years since Army of Darkness was released.

Rush Hour 4 - The line that spawned 4 movies. I can just picture how this got greenlit, Chris Tucker- "Do you understand the wordsss that are comin outta my mouth?", Movie Producer- "Brilliant! Still funny, wheel out Jackie Chan, let make a 4th!"

Shanghai Knights - Jackie Chan is famous for doing his own stunts and has sustained many serious injuries over his career. The martial arts master is also now 61, how can he possibly still star in action movies? Also Owen Wilson is completely washed up. I think what most surprised me about this announcement wasn't that they were making a 3rd in this series, it's that the first two actually have positive scores of Rotten Tomatoes. Who seriously watches these films?

Bad Boys III - Thanks to After Earth Will Smith's star power has fallen enough that they can afford to pay his wages and make the long awaited 3rd installment to this 20 year old franchise. This might honestly be the first non Big Mama role for Martin Lawrence since Bad Boys II. Other than Nick Frost's character in Hot Fuzz, I don't know anyone who actually likes these films.

Speaking of Hot Fuzz, Slee you ever gonna give me back my DVD you jerk?!

Horror Moviefest: Part 1

So 2 years ago as a newly employed corporate slave I for some reason had the moronic idea to watch a different horror movie every day of October. It apparently sounded like a good idea at the time, however by about day 5 I was already beginning to regret my decision. Unfortunately I had already told so many people about it that I was too embarrassed not to go through with it. Over the next couple weeks I'll occasionally post some quick reviews for the 31 films I watched during my Horror Moviefest. Please note that at the time of this marathon I was still adjusting to the awful monotonousness of working life and was drinking heavily, so I apologize if some of my reviews are quite lacking. Honestly I think I fell asleep during a few of them too...

1st - Friday the 13th - The original of course, not the unnecessary Michael Bay produced remake. While this film may not have held up as well as the original Halloween or Nightmare on Elm St., it is nevertheless a true classic worthy of starting my epic movie marathon. It didn't start the slasher franchise, but it was the first film to truly follow all the now classic slasher movie rules/cliches. Who doesn't love seeing Kevin Bacon take an arrow through the throat? As most people know, besides Drew Barrymore apparently, Jason is not the killer in the original film, but he does make a brief cameo appearance. Necessary viewing for any self respecting horror fan. 7.4/10

I'm Afraid that's a wrong answer...

2nd - The Haunting in Connecticut - This was just your average very formulaic modern jump scare possession movie. Honestly I remember this film more for a bad joke a friend from undergrad used to make about it than for anything that happened in the film itself. 4/10

3rd - Freaks - One of my biggest fears is midgets; they just creep me out. I know that isn't PC to say but it's true. I had heard about this movie years ago but was hesitant to watch it as it is notable for casting real life circus freaks. Overall it was a pretty well made horror film, scarier than most horror films from its time. Some of the acting and plot is pretty poor but that's to be expected with amateur actors. The film has a very memorable conclusion that is very creepy. Below is a parody of that scene from South Park. 7/10

4th - Ginger Dead Man 3 - When I started this film I was nervous that I would be very lost at the start of it. After all, although I had seen the first one, a classic with Gary Bucey, I had missed the second. Surprisingly it did not seem like I missed any major plot points and was able to follow along fine. I believe this one involved time travel back to a 70s roller disco. If you have seen any other films in the series then you know what to expect. Like most horror franchises with many sequels the films became more about humor and over the top kills than actual horror. Unfortunately Gary Bucey does not reprise his voice role. Only check this film out if you for some reason like the franchise and have 65 minutes to kill. 5/10

5th - A Nightmare on Elm Street - Once again I unfortunately have to stipulate that I of course watched the original Wes Craven classic, not a Michael Bay produced ripoff. I had heard great things about this series for years, I mean who hasn't heard, but for whatever reason it took me forever to finally watch it. I guess I had read so much about how it descended into poor comedy online that I honestly didn't have very high expectations. Boy was I wrong. The original is an absolute classic. Sure the plot is absurd, but it is very well made and very scary. It has a surprisingly very low body count, but the deaths are quite memorable. Johnny Depp death scene actually predicts what his career would look like in the 2010s. 8/10

6th - Tenebre - As anyone who follows my twitter knows, I am a huge fan of the Italian Horror genre called Giallo. The genre has a pretty specific formula wherein a normal citizen gets caught up investigating a series of violent murders which usually leads to epic chase scenes accompanied by heavy metal music. Tenebre is an example of the Giallo formula done to perfection by the master of the genre Dario Argento, accompanied by his awesome band Goblin. Highly recommended to anyone who has never seen a Giallo film. Check out The Bird with the Crystal Plumage and Opera by Argento if you like or can't find Tenebre. 7.8/10

7th - The Grudge - I watched the original Japanese version. I believe I looked it up and was surprised to find that The Grudge was actually the 3rd movie in a horror franchise in Japan. Movie wasn't terrible, but I found it more weird than actually scary. Hard to believe Hollywood found anything worth remaking for an american audience. Maybe things are more scary when they happen to SMG? 5.5/10

8th - Prince of Darkness - I am a big fan of John Carpenter, and although this is not one of his most well known films, it is still one of the better horror films from the 80s. Honestly I could watch paint dry if it has a John Carpenter score. The plot concerns the Devil coming into our world through some anti-matter particle. While the film might not live up to the epic nature of the plot, it is nevertheless a quality scary movie from a master of horror. Apparently Alice Cooper brought along a prop from his stage show which he used in his cameo. 7.5/10

9th - Halloween H2O - I'd say that besides Evil Dead, Halloween would have to be my favorite horror movie franchise. I decided to purchase a 3 pack of movies from the latter part of the series which includes Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers, Halloween H2O and Halloween Resurrection. Besides some hilarious acting choices, Paul Rudd in 6 and Busta Rhymes in Resurrection, the other films in the 3-pack are quite forgettable. H20 is definitely the strongest in the series besides the original, with Jamie Lee Curtis returning to the series that made her famous. More hilarious casting of young Josh Hartnett and LL Cool J aside, this is your typical Halloween flick. Michael Myers kills teens, refuses to die and somehow can't kill the 1 person he's going after. Includes a few more scares and some better production values to put it above the previous entries in the series. 7.2/10

10th - Peeping Tom - I highly anticipated watching this film as I had heard many positive things. Apparently this film was so controversial at the time it was released that it ruined a once promising director's career. However, over time it has become regarded as a classic. I don't think I would rate it as high as the true horror classics but it was an interesting flick. Main character was incredibly creepy and it sort of had a Rear Window type vibe putting the audience in a voyeuristic perspective. 6.5.10

To be Continued.....

Reeeee-views

With the end of the EPL season I realized I was in for a Loooooong summer, so in order to fill the massive time void I decided to reactivate my old netflix account. DVD by mail, none of that dumb streaming shit. With the DVDs you actually have a large worthwhile selection, not just seasons 2, 3 and 7 of Toddlers in Tiaras and 5 direct to video Christian Slater flicks. So long story short I've got bad news, with my account now reactivated and only transfer rumors to fill my soccer appetite, I will have time to watch and review movies for the interwebs.

Mad Max: Fury Road
For me the original Mad Max trilogy is hit or miss. The first film was pretty raw, but not without its charm and cool low-budget action sequences. The second is an action masterpiece, an extremely strange masterpiece, but a masterpiece nonetheless.The third film is absolute shit. I mean "2 men enter 1 man leaves" is a catchy phrase and all, but that is literally the only redeemable part of the movie. It is essentially apocalyptic Australian Neverland with Tina Turner, aka garbage. I think I gave it a 2/10 in my review 2 years ago. I had heard good things about this new flick but I was still a little hesitant to believe that it could be as good as everyone said. Afterall, it had been 30 years since George Miller made Beyond Thunderdome and they had replaced Mel Gibson in his iconic role. The movie cost $150M which seems astronomical considering the inherent risk of returning to the Austraulian desert wasteland after 30 years, but every single dollar is apparent on the screen. Simply one of the most breathtaking flicks I have ever seen. Glad I spent the extra bucks to see it on an IMax screen. The movie is pretty much the epic final chase scene from the second film lengthened to an entire movie. So simplistic of a plot risks losing the audiences attention without anything for them to cling on to. George Miller is able to combat this and add a surprising amount of emotional depth by introducing the badass Furiosa and her quest to free the wives from their evil ruler. While the title might include Mad Max, Furiosa steals the show from the title man. Tom Hardy is alright as Max, he is a little bit more of a klutz than the stoic portrayal Mel made famous, but he is upstaged by Charlize Theron in his own movie. This is not a bad thing tho because Furiosa is an awesome, badass, original character worthy of leading an action epic. There are lots of boring articles online discussing whether or not this was a femenist film, and possible ramifications for the future of Hollywood action films, so check those out if you must. The film delivered everything that fans of the original series wanted, iconic desert imagery, hilarious characters/outfits, and of course EPIC action pieces. The only true weak spot of the film is the villain who is a little forgettable. However that is just a minor gripe as this flick is too fast paced and heart pounding to allow you any time to notice the villains deficiencies. I cannot praise this film enough, prolly rivals Aliens for greatest pure action film ever made. Truly a great summer popcorn flick. Hopefully this flick made enough money that they can greenlight a sequel and fix the mistake of not including Mel Gibson. #LongLiveMel
9.2/10

Nightcrawler
When the rave reviews first started coming out for this movie I initially thought to go see it in theaters, however my reservations at seeing Jake Gyllenhaal staring in it prevented me from doing so. I have to say I am very glad I decided to finally give it a chance and get the blu ray from Netflix. Nightcrawler is a very sleek looking film with an incredibly interesting plot, well written/original characters, and an amazing performance by JG as Lou Bloom. Lou is truly one of the most incredible characters in recent film history. Sort of a psychotic autodidact who believes anything he reads online and stops at nothing to meet his career goals. From the commercials I had some idea of where the movie was going, but I have to say that I was still surprised at how it got there. Although, I have to say that I saw one of the big reveals at the end of the movie coming a mile away. Nevertheless, Nightcrawler is definitely one of the more cooler most original movies to come out in a while, I hope that Dan Gilroy directs some move movies in the future, and I will be eager to check them out if he does. And yes, Jake Gyllenhaal's performance is so good that I think I will finally have to forgive him for Donnie Darko. Highly recommended.
9/10


High Sierra
I am a HUGE fan of both Humphrey Bogart and Film Noirs so when I saw that TCM was having a Film Noir marathon every Friday for the next 2 months I was very excited. Their first marathon included some classics, The Maltese Falcon and M, however I was most interested in watching a HB movie I had never seen before, High Sierra. While this wasn't a bad flick it also wasn't anything special. I was a little surprised that TCM had categorized it as a film noir as there is no femme fatale nor any mystery; I thought it would be more accurately called a Ganster flick. The film included a fine performance by HB, his first staring role pavingd the way for Maltese Falcon later in the year, but there were also several very weak elements to the film. Early Hollywood films are full of nostalgia and charm, but they also have a tendency to be a little too light hearted for my liking. There is some cool scenery and a few interesting characters but the film lacked any true feeling of suspense. If you haven't seen an HB flick before and want to know what he is all about I would start with The Maltese Falcon or Treasure of the Sierra Madre. I would only watch High Sierra, if like me, you are a huge HB fan and want to see his entire catalog.
5/10

Jurassic World
Been seeing a lot of positive buzz about the latest Jurassic Park sequel, Jurassic World. While the original is an absolute classic, and star Chris Pratt certainly has some charisma, I think people need to have more restrained expectations. If you are still super pumped after watching the below clip from the film then you are either delusional or an idiot.
Hold onto your butts...