Top 10 Films of the 80's

Yes, Yes I know I've already done a top 10 list, but who cares lists are fun and require very little thinking, so enjoy!!

1. Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn: Many people mistakenly believe that the best thing Dino De Laurentiis ever helped produce was a big boobed, giant foreheaded granddaughter who cooks on the food network. In reality Big Dino was a producer of this horror comedy classic which just so happens to be the Greatest Film of All Time. With a larger budget than the original, which was acquired mainly because Stephen King was a huge fan of the first, this film is essentially a remake of the original with a much larger focus on comedy. The camera angels and direction of this film are some of the most creative ever done. The star, Bruce Campbell, has since become a B movie legend and has acquired one of the biggest cult followings of any actor ever; after watching this film you will know why. Evil Dead II is an acting tour de force for by Bruce. In one scene he actually fights his own demon infested hand, and loses, before he ultimately recovers and chops it off with a chainsaw. It is embarrassing to admit, but I like this film so much that I own not one but 2 books by Bruce Campbell, an autobiography and a very silly novel. One of the biggest nerd films ever made, but I am by no means ashamed to say that it is my favorite film.

Here is the 47 greatest seconds ever caught on film aka the Greatest Scene of All Time:

Note: I was dead serious when I said I wanted this scene playing on a TV on my Tombstone

2. Blade Runner: With a plot based off of a Phillip K. Dick novel and visuals inspired by the film Metropolis its no surprise that Blade Runner is such a beautifully shot and extremely intelligent science fiction film. The film has had a troubled past due to studio interference that included crappy studio executive editing and a pointless and abysmal voiceover. Make sure you watch the "Final Cut" version of the film which is how director Ridley Scott originally planned the film to be. Without a doubt this is my favorite Harrison Ford role and film. Harrison Ford plays a "Blade Runner", or a detective that is tasked with finding and destroying human replicants who attempt to integrate themselves into human society. Ford is not your average invincible action movie star and is almost always seen without the upper hand in fights. Nevertheless he is a very competent detective and gets the job done. Is Deckard a replicant? The film wisely never says and allows the view to decide for themselves. This film tackles some very big questions and has some of the most phenomenal visuals of any film in the 80's. Probably my favorite science fiction film of all time. My proudest moment of my undergraduate studies was being able to watch this film on a big screen in my Digital Media Theory class

Here is the famous speech by Rutger Hauer, of Hobo with a Shotgun fame, about what it means to be human:

3. Blue Velvet: While the plot sounds pretty straight forward, boy discovers clue from a crime and decides to investigate himself in the process hooking up with the detectives daughter, but when has anything David Lynch has ever taken a straight forward approach to film making  Here are just a couple examples of what David Lynch added to place a simple story into the DL universe: a severed ear, a lobotomy, a woman forcing her stalker to have sex with her, lipstick wearing Roy Orbison fans (see video) and of course the famous scene which wikipedia describes what happens as follows "[Dennis Hopper] inflicts his bizarre sexual proclivities — which include inhaling an unidentified gas, dry humping, and sadomasochism." Either you really like the cinematic worlds David Lynch creates, full of colorful often creepy characters, or you prefer Disney fluff and drinking Kool-Aid

"Heineken... FUCK THAT SHIT, Pabst Blue Ribbon!!!!"

Here's a typical David Lynch scene:

4. Brazil: While not exactly a direct adaptation of George Orwell's 1984, Brazil was certainly inspired by the book, and is definitely my favorite portrayal of a dystopian society in film. The story follows a low level bureaucrat who tries to reverse a mistake by the state and eventually begins to question the over reaching power of the state and falls in love. The end of this film is absolutely great. Robert De Niro, in probably my favorite role of his, plays a "renegade air conditioning specialist who once worked for the government but left due to his dislike of paperwork" and is of course treated like a terrorist, sort of sounds like the US today huh. The film includes many common Terry Gilliam trademarks such as crazy visuals, dream sequences and ridiculous characters. TG had to start a public campaign against the movie studio in order to get the film released how he wanted it, and I'm glad to say he won

Warning: Once you watch this film you will be unable to get the theme music out of your head for many days 

5. This Is Spinal Tap: Simply the funniest movie ever made, period. It's too bad that Rob Reiner is now more focused on eating his weight in onion rings ever day and taking away peoples right to smoke cigarettes than he is on making good films. Filmed as a fake rockumentary or "Mockumentary" if you will, this film follows a washed up English rock band on their cursed tour of the US. The songs are absolutely hilarious, and bonus the actors actually play all their own instruments. Infinitely quotable, I find the best parts of this film are when the actors are improvising their lines talking to the camera and speaking complete nonsense with a British accent. On a scale of 1-10 this comedy goes to 11

It's not often that the end credits of a film are worth watching, but this might be the funniest clip from the film:

Marty DiBergi: You play to a predominantly white audience, do you feel your music is racist in any way?
David St. Hubbins: We say, "Love your brother." We don't say it really, but... 
Nigel Tufnel: We don't literally say it. 
David St. Hubbins: No, we don't say it. 
Nigel Tufnel: We don't really, literally mean it. 
David St. Hubbins: No, we don't believe it either, but... 
Nigel Tufnel: But we're not racists. 
David St. Hubbins: But that message should be clear, anyway. 
Nigel Tufnel: We're anything but racists. 

6. The Thing: While I haven't seen the original, The Thing from Another Planet 1951, I think it's pretty safe to assume that this is one of the rare occasions where the remake is a million times better. John Carpenter had a great decade in the 80's with such classics as Escape from New York, Prince of Darkness and They Live, however this is clearly his masterpiece. The special effects are really the star of the show here and are truly some of the best ever filmed, proving that CGI is not necessary to create a great sci fi film. The fantastic cast includes Kurt Russel staring as a J&B drinking reluctant hero, Mr. Diabetes himself Wilford Brimley as a scientist that goes batshit crazy, bonus: Keith fucking David! How this film was a flop I will never understand, truly one of the best Sci Fi's of all time. It's a shame that Hollywood no longer lets John Carpenter make movies

Here is a great clip from Carpenter's They Live:

And here is a very important Public Service announcement from Wilford:

7. Platoon: While I never fought in Vietnam, I have heard that this is the most realistic depiction of the life of the common soldier during the war, and I have to say its easy to believe. The film feels so real because it is based on the real life experience of director Oliver Stone as a volunteer during the war. It follows Charlie Sheen, playing Oliver Stone, as he decides which sergeant in his platoon will win his soul the beer drinking, pro-war, jingoist psychopath Sgt. Barnes or pro-peace, weed smoking Sgt. Elias. Platoon is a great anti-war film and according to the Naked Gun, one heck of a funny film.

8. Tenebre/Opera: Anyone who follows my twitter, @Chronsauce, knows that I am a major fan of the Italian horror subgenre Giallo. These films all follow a similar plot in which the main character witnesses a murder and then takes it upon himself to personally investigate a serial murderer. They are known for having long chase scenes and being very graphic, however their predictability, cheesy acting and metal soundtrack keep them from ever becoming too scary. Dario Argento is the master of the Giallo film, and these two are without a doubt his best of the 80's; actually Opera was Argento's last quality film before he started a 25 year funk he has yet to get out of. Both have almost the exact same plot, one involves a writer and the other an opera singer; but as I mentioned the plot is meaningless, its all about the creative death scenes.
This picture should give you some idea of what these films are like:

9. The Seventh Continent: I figure I have to include at least one foreign film in the top 10 or else I'll lose all credibility (As if I had any to begin with). Seventh Continent is the story of a couple with one daughter who tell everyone that they are moving to Australia, the continent from the title, when in actuality they are planning on killing themselves. Once all their affairs are in order they eat an extravagant final meal and begin systemically destroying all their possessions  They break everything in their house showing zero emotions until a very disturbing scene in which the father destroys his daughters fish tank and she begins to scream and cry. Certainly one of the stranger films I have ever seen, it is nonetheless one of the best of the 80s. Cannot wait to see director Michael Haneke's most recent film Love which won the Palme d'Or at Cannes this year

10. The Princess Bride: While this certainly isn't the most masculine choice for this spot, I contend that it is the correct choice because while it may be a love story it is also one heck of a funny film. The film may be based off of common Disney type fairy tales but is full of many extra elements that elevate it far above normal Disney fair. Honestly who hasn't repeated the line, "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die" a million times? Really just me... oh whatever. Billy Crystal and Carol Kane as an old supposed to be Jewish couple are quite funny, and it has Andre the Fucking Giant in it!!!
Useless Information: This is the favorite movie of a certain middle school band teacher, who shall remain nameless, who once told me I was a Cancer

Here's a great clip that my professor played on my first class of Undergrad:

Other Noteworthy films from the 80's:

• A Fish Called Wanda/Fletch: Two of the funniest films not just of the 80's but of all time. Wanda is about the aftermath of a robbery and was written by and stars Monty Python alum John Cleese. Kevin Kline became one of the few actors to ever win an Oscar for a performance in a comedy, and don't call him stupid. Fletch stars Chevy Chase as a reporter investigating crime on the beach. Fletch is perfect for Chevy's quick wit and is full of great one liners. It's impossible to turn Fletch off once you've watched more than a minute of it
• Altered States/Predator/The Terimator: 3 truly 80's films. High concept Sci-Fis that simply did not have the budgets to create credible special effects, yet they're still awesomely campy nonetheless
• Barfly: The movie was written by Charles Bukowski for christ's sake!!
• Cannibal Holocaust: The star of this film is most famous for being in Debbie Does Dallas, and the director was put on trial for murder because the police actually thought they filmed the main actors being killed. Probably the most disturbing film ever made. Yet it would not be nearly so disturbing if it wasn't so well made as to actually convince the viewer that the movie might be real. It became so popular that it started the "found footage" genre, which unfortunately has produced zero other films near the quality of CH
• Commando/Rocky 4: Mindless Cheesy 80's Action Awesomeness
• Crimes and Misdemeanors: An examination of how someone justifies murder, and how they deal with and eventually overcome their guilt. My favorite Woody film of the 80's
• Dead Ringers/Videodrome: In the 80's David Cronenberg took his body horror subgenre to its ultimate frightening peak with these two films. The first film stars Jeremy Irons, in one of the best performances of all time, in the duel role of two highly regarded twin gynecologists that slowly become drug addicted and go insane; the special instruments they create for their job are absolutely horrifying. The second film stars James Woods and is a "techno surrealist" portrayal of a television show that causes hallucinations and eventually cancer,  "Long Live the New Flesh"
• Fitzcarraldo: Brian Fitzgerald is the ultimate movie dreamer. The character is so determined to bring the Opera to the jungle that he attempts to move a giant ship over a mountain in order to make money as a rubber baron to finance the opera house. Klaus Kinski is perfect for playing the obsessive/mad character of Fitzgerald because everything I've read says Klaus was flipping nuts.The story of how this film was made is almost as interesting as the film itself and is covered in the documentary Burden of Dreams. Not only did director Werner Herzog actually threaten to kill Kinski with a loaded gun on set, but they actually moved a giant ship over a mountain using the primitive methods shown in the film. Also, it's impossible to think about this film and not imagine how different it may have been if Mick Jagger didn't drop out after many shooting delays
• Phenomena: Another film by Dario Argento, only this ones a lot less scary than his others. The final 5 minutes of this film are simply the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen in my life, absolutely hilarious
• The Vanishing: Not just one of the best foreign horror films of all time, The Vanishing is without a doubt one of the best and most original horror films ever. The main character is simply one of the most purely evil villains ever put on film 
• Withnail and I: One of the biggest cult films of all time. Story of two unemployed and alcoholic actors who take a vacation which, of course, leads to many misadventures. People have actually died in the drinking game associated with this movie in which you are supposed to go drink for drink with Withnail

Overrated Films of the 80's:

• A Christmas Story: I hate this film
• Airplane!: I did not place this film in this section because I think it is a bad or unfunny film, in fact I like it a lot! I placed it here because I am more of a fan of the Zucker Brothers other slapstick classic The Naked Gun: From the File of the Police Squad! I think that Naked Gun is a more polished and consistently funny film that is unfortunately overshadowed by Airplane!
• ET: My parents never got divorced so unlike Steven Spielberg I didn't long for an alien friend to fill the void. Maybe if your parents did divorce and you have the same frame of mind as Spielberg then you think this is a good film, I don't know. For me this was boring garbage
• Field of Dreams: When I was younger and we used to have family night 7 times out of 10 we would watch this film, and I never understood why. It has a memorable quote, a true Michigan man in JEJ and is sort of about baseball, so I should like it right? Unfortunately I've always found it rather boring and more of a chickflick than a sports film
• Galipoli: Supposed to be an inspirational story of when Australia came together during WWI and finally became a unified nation. Unfortunately it is incomprehensible Australian gibberish 
• Raiders of the Lost Ark: A combination of Too High expectations and a hatred of George Lucas and Steven Spielberg are why this film is in this section. Call me crazy but I am just not a huge fan of Indiana Jones. Not a bad film by any means, I just think it's not quite as good as its reputation would suggest. A hard drinking Karen Allen is a very nice addition tho
• The Color of Money: While I love me some Billiards, and Scorsese has some occasional cool visuals, I simply can't take any film with Tom Cruise, when he doesn't have a ponytail, in it seriously. The only reason this film exists was to give Paul Newman the Oscar he should have won for The Hustler or The Verdict
• Tootsie: I didn't like it when Robin Williams went in drag, I didn't like it when Jack Lemmon and Tony "my daughter has a penis" Curtis went in drag, in what is mistakenly called the funniest film ever, and I certainly did not like this film where Dustin Hoffman goes in drag. If you want a quality film where men dress up as women I have two words for you... White Chicks

Films From the 80's that I have not seen yet, and yes there are A LOT of them:

• Born of the 4th of July
• Broadcast News
• Decalogue
• Elephant Man
• Fanny and Alexander
• Good Morning Vietnam
• Hoosiers
• Labyrinth
• Moonstruck
• My Left Foot
• Ordinary People
• Paris, Texas
• Raising Arizona
• Under the Volcano